Fairy Tales
by ambigousAnonymity
Summary: He smiles, because as long as you keep smiling, it's not as bad as it could be. KuroFai


He is reading another of his fairytales. They all end the same way, he picks them especially for that reason. He's become expert in reading the two-sentence summaries, and from those, he knows how they will end, and only reads the ones that end the way he wants them too. They all end happily, and yet they make him cry. The characters remind him too much of himself, his friends. The problems, all too familiar. But the endings are distant. As much as he reaches for his ending, it slips from his grasp. He tries, tries, tries again, but every time it all crashes around him, and he is left alone, sitting in his temporary room, reading stories on someone else's fictional characters that have somehow stumbled upon his dream.

He's afraid to wish for anything, for fear that it might come true only because he wished for it, and that it won't be real at all, just a dream that came true. When all his wishes are granted, he wants it to be real. So now, he simply seconds everyone else's wishes. He's given up on his own, even if he did wish for them, wish with all his heart, he knows they won't come true. He's a dreamer whose hopes have been smashed.

And yet somehow, he'll hope for forever. He's a romantic, in a world (worlds?) where romance barely exists. He's a dreamer with a cheerful exterior, a smile, words of advice for everyone but himself. He wants what's best for them, even if it will harm himself. He's afraid of people, but he doesn't know why, afraid of contact – physical and emotional- he's suspicious. He doesn't like being kissed. It's terrifying to him. He wants to kiss the one he loves, gently, on the lips, or forehead. But really, that wouldn't work, and so he doesn't. He doesn't like today's definition of kissing (open mouths, slobbery) or dating (so sloppy, confusing, basically just hormonal) and would much rather court.

He is in love, and knows he's in love, but it's more confusion then love. He told him that he loved him, wrote a letter to explain it all, and was rejected. He fell out of love the next day. Or at least that's what he told him, told them. And they were too naive to realize that he was lying.

He had told one other person, when she thought she was asleep. He told Sakura, mentioned it, because he couldn't keep it inside anylonger. She just smiled, and took his hand. (She felt the way he does, once, but all her memories are gone, and she has forgotten, will never remember. And he cannot explain it to her, because he himself does not understand love.) He wishes she hadn't. He wishes that he never told her. He doesn't want to burden her with his problems, they're so much less then hers. So after confessing, he apologizes. He wishes he could take it all back, he wishes he never told her in the first place.

For him, love is nausea, rising, ever constant. It it the tears he refuses to cry, so that they crowd in the back of his eyes, as he smiles at his friends. He will watch their dreams come true, he will help them on their quests, their challenges. Syaoran will find Sakura's feathers. Kurogane will go back to his home world. It will all work out, in the end.

So he smiles, and drops his shields back in place. He falls into bed, telling himself he has nothing to cry about, that everything will be better tomorrow. But he knows he is lying to himself. He hopes that he wakes up first in the morning, so that he can wash his face, because he knows that once again, he will not sleep, he will stay up all night, trying not to cry.

Author's Note

So many little things, but it's the big things that really matter. Poor Fai. It's painful to fall in love on a day-to-day basis, worse still if you fall in love with someone who has become your best mate. Worse still if that person happens to be Kurogane. Worse still, if they don't love you back. Nothing is worse then that. Nothing, except falling in love with your best friend, and when they find out you are in love with them getting dumped. But really, dear, if you are infact best mates (two who are closer then blood, who will fight back to back in battle, die for each other) then that won't happen. And all you can do, is hope they fall in love with you, or that you fall out of love with them, and know that neither will happen. But as long as you keep smiling, it's not as back as it could be.

So that sounded like an extension of the story!

Well, I wrote it on a whim, I think it's ok, but probably not my best work.

Yes, I still am working on Metallic Winter. It may take a while, but I will finish it.


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